What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 05:57
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Have you had any paranormal activity situations happen personally to you or someone you know?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
How can parents identify and address early signs of racial bias in young children?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What are you struggling with in your life? What would you like to have instead?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was 9 years of age.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We were not on the streets..
Which scene is considered the most difficult to watch in each of Quentin Tarantino's movies?
She loved him until the end.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
What is something you want to "get off your chest"?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is soul school!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why is it difficult to get a job?
I was very sick at this time too.
She was in good health!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When was the first time your wife had beastiality?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Who then, do I blame.?
My family never makes their pension either.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I think the readers, may guess!
What did i know ?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He knew the spot.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I have no regrets .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Would this be the day?
We all went to grammer schools
I don,t even have a pension.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My life is so biszare .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But, we were locked up after school.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Ive learnt so much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One cannot live in the past .
She wouldn,t have been !
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
When she asked me how she looked .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So whats the point in blame.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Put me off passion for life!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Comes on , in middle age.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But it wasn’t much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I write beautiful poetry .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im still living with it.
It was going to be , some day.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was scared of men, in general
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She married twice! .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And i lived it daily.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i do to all so called friends.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I waited trembling.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was seconnd youngest,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I will be 64.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
All the time i was locked up.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I said to her
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She found it foreign!.